GO!
WITH / IN CAVE

/ 2012 /

Довгоочікувана розмова з Господом Богом
to JY

Передісторія до «Не заходь, не постукавши у двері»
П'єса для одного актора
I dreamed of speed trains
I dreamed of a loud typewriter with a double 'N'
I dreamed of another Earth
I dreamed of another me
His name was Andrej Simonov. He lived in Berlin, in New Koln district. His father was Russian. But he was born in Germany. And he didn't speak Russian at all. He came in and immediately went out. He just said that the beautiful beaches in Prerov still exist. And went out. He said he will come another time. But since then we haven't seen each other. I noticed his eyes at once. He had a sight that so many men have at homeland, but you are always in lack of it here, in Berlin, in West Europe. But still I went to Prerov. Not alone. And not with him. There I touched cold white sand and hot salt water of Baltic. There I heard the desperate screams of seagulls. There I dreamed.

I dreamed of a man in a beautiful black suit.
I dreamed of a handsome man in a beautiful black suit.
I dreamed of a man to whom I cannot refuse
I dreamed of my child speaking my native language.
I dreamed of loving my son with the love that he deserves
I dreamed of being not so selfish and to care for loved ones more
I dreamed of a place of my own.
I dreamed of a home just for me
I dreamed of a house near the ocean, or at least near the sea
I dreamed of black sand on my hips
I dreamed of removing the sand from my legs on a wide wood terrace
I dreamed of hiding from the rain in this house near the ocean
I dreamed of a storm
I dreamed of hotel rooms
I dreamed of killing my ex-husband with ten knife blows in his back
I dreamed of dreaming about it not so often
I dreamed of never dreaming again
Cause the dreams are the reasons of heart attacks
I dreamed of washing in a laundry, and wait, and read
But instead I was washing at home
I dreamed of meeting people in the bar
I dreamed of being similar to a cheap slut
I dreamed of wearing male wristwatch
I dreamed of wearing male clothes, male suits
But I never dreamed of being a male
I dreamed of sleeping without pillow
I dreamed of lending my hand to men when meeting them
I dreamed of thin silk shirts
I dreamed of smoking cigars
I dreamed of ticket to the Moon
I dreamed of an airstrip every Monday
I dreamed of flying on the airplanes
I dreamed of speed trains
I dreamed of a loud typewriter with a double 'N'
I dreamed of another Earth
I dreamed of another me
I dreamed of five seconds of silence
I dreamed of a cookbook with all proper recipes inside it
I dreamed of waking up in the morning with a perfect man beside me
I dreamed of the smell of salt on my arms
I dreamed of some truth about myself
I dreamed of some truth about others
I dreamed of Chagall's paintings
And sometimes I dreamed of Jackson Pollock
I dreamed of a goat in the middle of my yard
I dreamed of desperate reviews on meals in the restaurants. But no one ever wrote them
I dreamed of eating like the last time every time. In order to remember the taste of food
I dreamed of the love affair like an LSD trip
I even dreamed of a pack of Lucky Strike
I dreamed of the first letter from my name
I dreamed of the mistakes that I wouldn't be afraid to make
I dreamed of the beauty is selling on the counters in the night supermarkets. Just like alcohol is selling
Once I even dreamed of losing everything. Until I lost everything
I dreamed of a small piece from October 2008
And I dreamed of a piece from March 2015 too
And of more and more pieces like these
I even dreamed of the temperature -2 degrees Celsius
I dreamed of Stockholm
I dreamed of Stockholm even in my dreams
I dreamed of North coasts
I dreamed of cold winds
I dreamed of bad weather
I dreamed of the train number 2046
I dreamed of talking without verbs. But it's impossible
I dreamed of new footwear, particularly shoes
I dreamed of a life by the laws of quantum physics
I dreamed of a big family
I dreamed of the yard full of children
I dreamed of an apple garden in blossom
I dreamed of fearing nothing
I dreamed of cold bedclothes at dawn
I dreamed of pills from loneliness
I dreamed of smoking in front of the entrance to the pastry shop
I dreamed of bigger tits but natural
I dreamed of elastic hips
I dreamed of a pinch of the black earth on the tip of my tongue
I dreamed of dipping my hand in that black ground
I dreamed of huge farmer fields full of wheat on my road back home
I dreamed of a bucket full of fresh steamed milk standing in the yard
I dreamed of a big dog sleepy barking at the passers by
I dreamed of an old electricity lamp in the middle of the ceiling
I dreamed of a special barely noticeable sound while turning on this old lamp
I dreamed of empty white rooms completely without furniture
I dreamed of huge windows without curtains
I dreamed of pine forest just behind my huge windows.
I dreamed that loneliness wasn't that bad habit which is very hard to refuse from
I dreamed of no war in my country
I dreamed of…
But I stopped

Before this had started I didn't pay attention to all these dates in history manuals. Dates of the beginning. Dates of the ending. There's nothing in dates. There's nothing in numbers of deaths either. It doesn't matter now many died. It matters that they have died. But now all these days are imprinted in my mind. Caught up, as they say… It's hard to say what exactly I was feeling like on the 1st of March. I only remember myself alone. Desperately wanting a man beside me, a strong man who's gonna say that everything will be okay, though he wouldn't believe himself in it. But there was no man like this beside me. No man like this in the cabinet of ministers. No man like this in the parliament. Only King George beside me with his speech on the 3rd of September, 1939.

"In this grave hour, perhaps the most fateful in our history, I send to every household of my peoples, both at home and overseas, this message, spoken with the same depth of feeling for each one of you as if I were able to cross your threshold and speak to you myself.
For the second time in the lives of most of us, we are at war.
Over and over again, we have tried to find a peaceful way out of the differences between ourselves and those who are now our enemies; but it has been in vain.
We have been forced into a conflict, for we are called, with our allies, to meet the challenge of a principle which, if it were to prevail, would be fatal to any civilized order in the world.
It is a principle which permits a state, in the selfish pursuit of power, to disregard its treaties and its solemn pledges, which sanctions the use of force or threat of force against the sovereignty and independence of other states…"

00:03 Attention, this is general information! Signal reception?
00:05 To all posts plus!
00:09 "Felix" plus.
00:12 "Dober" plus.
00: 17 "Miron", hear you.
00: 19 "Center", you hear me?
00: 21 Plus!
00:23 Information: attention to Hrushevskoho Street. Get ready to work. Any move with the weapon – report and work. "Berkut" is getting ready, get ready to screen. Signal reception?
00:37 To all plus!
00:39 "Felix" plus!
3:18 "Miron", thirty five.
3:19 Thirty five.
3:21 Green dome, further 100, house roof – group of people, looks like.
3:34 Minus, gone.
3:38 "City hotel" signboard – two men standing under. One with ammunition.
3:50 Distance?
3:53 Three hundred seventy six. Still no weapon.
3:58 This is general information, attention! People with weapon can start the move on Hrushevskoho Street.
5:47 "Miron", thirty five!
5:50 Thirty six.
5:52 Left corner of hotel "Ukraina", two thousand on the left. Red roof – a man is hiding.
6:32 Approximate address?
6:37 Can't say address. From the left of hotel "Ukraina", left corner, two thousand on the left. Red roof. Dormer, with a painted cat.
6:53 Can't see. Any other reference point?
7:02 On the top, second level, left line, outline of hotel "Ukraina". Button edge of balcony, two thousand from the left corner of the building. Thousand and a half – two thousand, roof.
13:22 This is general information. Hotel "Ukraina", central part, six level from the top. Two men in the uniform and with tripod.
13:41 Black helmet, white vest. Can't see any weapon – lack of multiplicity.
13:51 Observing optics, making video.
14:01 Keep a low profile.
14:08 "Center", plus.
Made on
Tilda